Day 10

Birthing Class

Babies are increasingly being born and placed immediately onto sugar drips of glucose. This is because they have been producing so much insulin to help regulate their mother’s blood sugars that they are born with hypoglaecemia (low blood sugar levels).

Due to yesterday’s ridiculous sugary self abuse, I decided to treat myself this morning and ditched the ‘boxed cereal’ hamster wheel I have been on, for some poached eggs with a bit of bacon and some avocado. It has never tasted so good. Guilt or integrity kicked in though and I washed it down with some Sparkling Apple juice from Emma and Tom’s. It was only 15 grams or 3 and a bit teaspoons, which is one of the lowest I have found so far.

The lady and I then trotted off to our first birthing class. An imminent child has been a big motivation for making this film. We were both excited at learning a fundamental new set of skills but just 20 minutes in, I realised I was in trouble. Words like oxytocin and amniotic fluid were flying past my brain but wouldn’t stick. This was perhaps the most important day in my frontal lobe’s life, I needed it to be a sponge of knowledge, lists and partner support but instead it danced like a duck on ice, so I grabbed for a trusty friend, my Uncle Toby’s strawberry yoghurt Muesli bar with its 2 teaspoons of ‘instant focus’.

Sadly its power was minimal and as words like ‘meconium’ and ‘braxton hicks’ continued to waft past my conscious mind, I was deeply contemplating the impact sugar must have on children at school and their learning difficulties. If a child is given Just Right or yoghurt or apple juice by a parent trying to do the (Just) right thing, is it any wonder the child is inattentive, distracted or up to mischief by mid morning?  I felt the same way and I wasnt receiving a lesson in mind numbing long division, I was being taught a lesson about the single greatest moment to happen in my life!

This question will be pursued in September when we head OS to meet some of the greatest minds on this subject.

Lunch was at a local cafe where I enjoyed a spinach and feta frittata and a Blue Heaven milkshake which I loved when I was a kid and haven’t tasted for 25 years. There are some perks to making this film.  The kind lady in the cafe read the back of the label for me. 66 grams of sugar per 100ml. Or 16 teaspoons of sugar per 100ml; no wonder my childhood memories have been corrupted by it. I had just over one pump of the dispenser, or 65ml of ‘blue goo’; around 10 teaspoons in my cup.

After a post lunch session of breathing techniques, I plummeted at around 3pm.  After 10 days, I am becoming a pro though and I pretended to go to the toilet but secretly scoffed my raspberry banana muffin and lipton iced tea lime flavoured beverage perched on the toilet seat. I openly admit it was the first real sign of some ‘junkie’ like behaviour (see ‘kicking the habit’ reference on Day 8). These were desperate times though, I needed to be all over those contraction time codes and the instant 12 teaspoon hit worked its magic. I am keeping Greenwich Mean Time on those wave intervals.

We had a terrific day and it is a very special time in both our lives. We had planned the film before the wonderful news came so I will finish the experiment then get some serious nutritional help and get back to my ‘new father’ fighting weight.

My last 3 teaspoons of the day were a couple of small, innocuous shortbread biscuits that were left on a dish as we left the class. They had absolutely no effect. I spoke to a food addiction expert, Dr Simon Thornley, recently. He said I may experience ‘tolerance’ quite soon, which is when the body adjusts to its new reality and the ‘hit’ diminishes. I remember this well from my early 20s nightclubbing days; I could never have dreamt that one day it would apply to a ‘Butterfingers’ shortbread biscuit.

Dinner was a warm broccoli salad with some beans and almonds. Utter joy.

10 days done and another 40 teaspoons.