Seeking a Tick

For 5 years before 2011, the Australian Heart Foundation gave their coveted tick to a McChicken, 6 Chicken Nuggets and a Filet-o-Fish. They currently don’t consider sugar a major health concern. 

So this morning I awoke from one of the better sleeps I have had since the sugar inhaling began. My lady’s suggestion of getting towards the 40 teaspoon mark before sundown is doing great things for my ability to settle. Withdrawals do wonders for creative dreaming though and last night I was driving a 1965 Toyota Corona across the ocean accompanied by a friendly killer whale (I blame the Oats Express liquid breakfast).

My morning good spirits were also buoyed by the imminent arrival of a best friend (and producer of the film) to spend a day on the manic schedule of our upcoming adventures.  I knocked off a bowl of Sultana Bran Clusters (7 teaspoons) and grabbed myself a very warming Chai latte from the local cafe. It was warming in the sense that the 6 teaspoons of sugar kick started my neurons into a rapid, internal steam producing vibration. It was the powdered form and that drink masking as a member of the tea or coffee family is nothing more than a heated milkshake with cinnamon. It tasted magnificent on a frosty morning though.

I picked up my friend and great chats were had. We stopped by the bakery and I left with a large count of my daily teaspoons slowly meandering their way to my small intestine. The quiche I had was delicious but the Bundaberg ginger beer and its 10 teaspoons of sugar jump started my frontal lobe and had me talking at my friend like my mouth was an M16 loaded with vowel bullets. As I took my last sip I realized that due to this film I may never see the town of Bundaberg again, or most of North Queensland for that matter.

We sat down for the arvo and began to pour over spreadsheets and word documents. The 2 trips coming up are going to be very special and I am going to get a crash course in the world of sugar and its effects. The words sugar, crash and effects also applied to 3:30pm when the brain fog rolled in. The sunshine to that fog lay in the form of a Yakult shot of yoghurt (just under 3 teaspoons in that tiny bottle) and a delicious vanilla bean Fruche yoghurt that really should live in the dessert section of the supermarket fridges. Its delicate and feminine ‘gluten free’ container held 5 scoops of our crystalline friend.

Dinner belonged to the Heart Foundation. 2 food items with 2 large ticks on the box. The first was an Uncle Toby’s Fruit Fix which I am sure is a favourite of kid’s lunch boxes. One serve of this condensed fruit ‘play-do’ had just under 4 teaspoons of sugar; which given its small size and appeal to children I found a little disturbing.

But large disturbing was reserved for my McCain Healthy Choice, 97% fat free Apricot Chicken dinner. My aeroplane sized serving container had 25 grams of sugar or 6 teaspoons hiding in it. Sadly it did nothing for the flavour. I am tempted to write a letter asking for the 97 percent fat to be re-instated.

Something just doesn’t feel right about this whole heart foundation business.  I see they have recently launched an attack on salt in our foods. Seems like a decoy of sorts to steer us away from a very similar looking substance. We will be talking to people from the organization both here and overseas. Sugar is big big big big big business and throwing people off the scent of any public enquiry is probably highly prioritized. That is the point of this film, the enquiry is currently taking place inside my cells. My body put up its hand to finally give all those mice and rats a day off. After years of treadmills, labyrinths and nightmarish injections, its time we acknowledged their input into human development and gave them a well deserved break. I envisage that break by seeing them all scurrying aboard a giant boat bound for an island of cheese.

14 enlightening days down and another 40 of the best.