Day 35 will not be forgotten in a hurry.
It was supposed to be a nice smooth flight for 3 hours across the USA, I’d hire a comfortable car, meet a respected scientist, have a few laughs and exchange fructosean knowledge, then hug it out and head to bed early with another 40 teespees doing their thing in my deep breathing belly.
I knew things weren’t going quite to plan when I looked at the clock at 3am and knew I had to be up at 4am. I hadn’t slept a wink. There had been what I call a light ‘slee’: its when you cant nod off coz you keep needing a ‘p’. (I just made that joke up, straight to the top of the dad joke championships for me). That’s not even true about needing to wee, I just wanted to push through with that thought. The truth is that I kept seeing a giant Jumba Juice cup with legs chasing me down the street firing pink, icy slush at me through a horizontal slit in its angry styrofoam head. I’m sure the no sleep was my brain punishing me for allowing that ‘Strawberry Surfer’ smoothie to drop in on its soothing, serotonin waves (It could also, almost definitely, have been jetlag too).
I dragged myself up, drove to the car rental place, returned the keys and waited for the complimentary shuttle to the airport. The compliments were never received. 25 minutes later, a van rolled in, a disgruntled man needing sugar opened the doors and then proceeded to polish his steering wheel as I sat in the back (that was not a euphemism and I don’t think it was some selubrious code in this town, like a banana in the shopping trolley).
The guy seriously needed some Sanitarium Up and Go and it’s the only time I will ever say that I actually wish I had some on me. He had clearly had a bowl of Sanitarium Down and Stopped and sadly I missed my check in time and was removed from the flight. The guy was great at the counter though and I was put onto a different flight an hour later but with a stop over 3 hours in a slightly northerly direction. No bother, I headed to ‘Klatch’s Coffee’ and had a blueberry, peach granola parfait with 35 grams or 8 teaspoons and a decaf iced latte with sugar syrup that got me another 5.
I boarded the plane, had a nap for 2 hours then woke up craving the white gear. On offer was a ‘Savory Snack Box’. You know you’re headed in the right direction when the word ‘Savory’ on the front of the box is written in a font like icing on a cake but in Nutella. Oh dear. (See photo below) That ‘Savory’ box with its mixed fruit, its ‘fig bar’ and its tub of Nutella got me 9 teaspoons washed down with a cup of tea with 2 sugars.
The rest of the day is quite painful. In a nutellashell, I missed my next connecting flight, had to wait another 5 hours then fly somewhere else and then connect to a different flight to reach my bag which had been sent to the original town. A few cups of tea and salad was all I could deal with in the airport. I am actually at 30,000 feet now somewhere in America about 12 hours late, needing a shower and a scientist down. Not to worry though, my 20 ounce or 590ml bottle of Gatorade with its 18 teaspoons of sugar is keeping me on track. If its good enough for Lebron James, its good enough for Labrat Damon.
Tomorrow is going to be magnificent by comparison and I get to chat to 2 very special people. Despite the ludicrousness of it all, I am having an amazing time and will cherish this adventure. It will make a terrific story one day for the little one when they’ve been tossing and turning in bed and cant get to ‘slee’.
35 and a very easy 40.