Day 54

FFF

“I swear to tell the whole bullshit and nothing but the bullshit like everyone else you are going to interview. If I do what you tell me, I will be paid in gummi bears.” The remarkable Howard Moskowitz in our interview. Howard invented cherry vanilla Dr Pepper and 36 varieties of tomato pasta sauce for Prego and made them millions. The main ingredient in the sauces after tomatoes was sugar. One cup of Prego is the equivalent of 5 Oreo biscuits.

(By the way, we got that quote on camera.)

I am deeply in love with my bed. There is just something about sleeping in your own nest after ‘slutting’ your way around inferior mattresses of hotels and BnB’s in foreign countries. The mattress and its sense memory grooves just cradled me like a new born and I slept for 11 hours straight through. I did have a few sugar dreams, but that’s par for the course these days.

The delight of the evening’s rest soon turned sour when I realised I hadn’t done a fresh shop since returning and so had to muscle down a bowl of stale Just Right. Just so so wrong. They certainly don’t get any better with age, especially when the plastic hasn’t been sealed. Soft chewy bran flakes and hard, dried out fruit pieces are just about the worst way you can start the day. What a pity the milk wasn’t sour.

I was awake at 6am so sat in bed and ate the aforementioned bowl. The taste really was irrelevant as it was just so nice to be home and the dozing lady looked pretty spectacular in her morning pregnancy radiance. In fact the milk may well have been sour, such was the pleasantness of just enjoying the morning and not having to get up, race somewhere and ask a lot of questions about sugar to someone I had never met.

I did eventually catch on to the breakfast I had embarked on. Lucky for me I still had a bottle of apple juice in the fridge and its super sweet fructose hit masked all the ‘flavour’ of the air dried bran flakes. The first breakfast on home soil yielded 19 teaspoons.

I then unpacked the travel bags, removed the disgusting ‘boy away from his lady’ clothes and stuffed them into the cowering washing machine. I could have sworn the lid actually had some resistance when I opened it. The machine knew what that hideous ‘man smell’ meant and that its 3 weeks of soft feminine smells and scented oils had come to a jarring holt. A pair of socks that smelt like a homeless man’s beard were literally poured into its metallic mouth. It did so well to complete the load.

I then vague’d out for a while and had to ‘wrangle’ some more footage from the film. This is the new world of film making and it is incredibly onerous. You have to transfer all the data on the cards from the camera onto different hard drives and then back them up so you have multiple copies. I ate an Ancient Grains muesli bar (2) and drank a glass of Ribena (6) in the process. It was nice to watch some footage of 3 weeks ago, which seemed like 3 years ago. I couldn’t help but notice how thinner my face looked. I have coined a new expression for what has happened so far in 54 days. It is a condition known as ‘Fatty Fructose Face’ or FFF. Its effecting millions of people now and I am going to see if I can get it included in the Oxford Textbook Of Medicine. Thats the reputable book that exonerates sugar from any causation of type 2 diabetes. They might actually accept my proposal.

The lady and I then did some bonding and headed down to a new cafe to try out their wares. One ‘wattle seed’ scone with blackberry jam and a chai latte not only had me feeling like the elderly we were sitting with but it also got me a much needed 11 teaspoons as the jet-lag had started to claw its way up my body and beckon me into a comfortable horizontal position. But I had sugar on my side and so there would be none of that!

I pushed on with a sugary wind in my sails and the lady has just made a delicious home made quinoa sushi platter. Incredible stuff and an insight into what lies ahead after this experiment is over. Wholesome, nourishing, life giving food. The adage ‘you are what your eat’ has never rung truer for me and having my lady and I standing next to each other at this moment could turn even the most ardent cynic of that quote. The sushi was made with a home made honey and soy sauce with 2 teaspoons.

The lids are heavy again and I have reached my maximum sugar load for the day so sleep is not far off. I am determined to make it to 9:30pm but it may be tough.

Thanks to all for the last sugary meal suggestions, there are some beauties there. My lady has been googling American thanksgiving sugary recipes all day. She is actually bursting with excitement about the challenge. It has turned into a weird episode of MasterChef. The funniest recipe so far is ‘Jello Salad”. Nothing I like more than green jelly with my lettuce. We are definitely going to go out in style.

54 down, so so close and another 40.