Hump Day

Agave nectar has become a pretty popular sweetener replacement for some people. If table sugar is 50% fructose and we think that fructose may be causing the problems, then the bad news for Agave lovers is that it is 56%-90% fructose. Agave it away. Please note that appalling ‘Dad joke’. I am practicing as I only have a short time to hone the repertoire.

The day started with a practice run of what lies ahead for my lady and I as new parents. We babysat our dear friend’s 6 month old eating machine as they wound the clock back and reminded themselves of their excellent social skills.  He is an absolute treasure. Well he was as he gently lulled off to sleep at around 9pm. Come 1am, the ghrelin kicked in, it was time to eat, he turned the lungs to full boar and uncle Damo got a jolting glimpse into the not too distant future. My lady’s expert and intuitive skills soothed the nascent siren and my heart rate returned to normal. The beauty of this experience for me was a) how magnificent and exhilarating the next 6 months are going to be and b) there is no way in hell that I would want to have even a single crystal of sugar in my body to get through the journey. I need to be all systems go, with the patience button on 11. As a result, I started discussing the detox plan with some experts today.

Breakfast was at a hotel again and I chose the muesli, low fat yoghurt, stewed fruits and honey option. Such was the sweetness that I was surprised there were no candles to blow out.  14 teaspoons of sugar.

I then raced to a meeting and met a lovely couple and their two boys. They had just arrived from Singapore and after reading the blog brought me some international ‘healthy’ snacks to try. These were new levels in nutritional manipulation. I had a ‘Be Kind’ bar which is a source of vitamin A, C, E and B for bullshit. This tiny bar, no bigger than a ‘saintly by comparison’ Uncle Toby’s muesli bar packed a whopping 7 teaspoons into its congealed fruit casing. I had 2 just to be crazy. In fact to ‘be wild’, as that was the name of the 2nd bar (another 7 teaspoons).

I then guzzled an Emma and Tom’s (7) juice down as I went for my halfway hump weigh in with the world’s nicest doctor. I guarantee she will have lines around the block if this film has any sort of popularity. I stood on the scales, tape measures were produced and blood test results were shared. I was really torn as to whether or not to write the results here but for the sake of the integrity of the film, I want to see what happens over the whole time frame of the experiment before throwing figures out into Cyberlandia.

I then had a decaf coffee with 2 sugars and a Yakult yoghurt shot (3 teaspoons) with dinner, a delicious steak with kale salad, and sit here with eyes barely open and ready for an attempted deep sleep. I am delighted to be able to watch my beautiful friend’s little boy grow up in the coming years but for tonight I think he is just far enough away (950 kilometres) for me to not experience his remarkable vocal capacities. I do love you little B man.

HALFWAY has been reached and I feel like I should end with a quote. Tonight I borrow from the acrobatic linguist, Tom Cruise.

“I take great pride in what I do. I cant do something halfway, three quarters or nine-tenths. If I’m going to do something, I’ll go all the way.”

That all the way is to Day 60. Thanks MaveRick.

30 down, 30 to go and another 40. Woop!