Guru Taxi and the Nectar
Confused, exhausted, fat, grumpy, spent, expanded, wiser, drained, sugared, lonely, homesick, vitamin deficient, hungry and in need of a damn good snuggle.
The candy circus rolls on (Candy Circus could be a great clown character that Andy Serkis, aka Gollum, could play). I have just had my ear chewed off for two hours by a guy who was really lovely, full of science but may well be employed by a range of sugar companies and lobby groups. The past two weeks have been a remarkable insight into human agenda. Everyone has one, they all want to peddle it and they all think they are correct. When you are having 40 teaspoons of sugar a day, its mighty hard to tune in and discern the bullion from the bullshit.
I am going to be brief as I am really up against the wall tonight. I really miss home, I want to rub the belly and feel a baby kick and I am completely over North American food and portion sizes. I really had no idea how complicated this sugar beast was going to be and it is taking all of my strength to haul my expanded buttocks over the line.
I will recover tomorrow, due to a temporary sugar hit and in the long run due to the wonders of the human body, the love of a good woman and an incredible detox and diet plan that is currently being drawn up.
Breakfast was a blueberry parfait from the healthiest shop I have been to so far in the States. The yoghurt was closer to the panna cotta family and yielded me 6 teaspoons and it had a liquid companion in the form of a freshly squeezed apple, pineapple and mango juice which got me 10.
I then headed back to the chemical senses lab for more interviews. They have been very strict with me on the language I use and my vilification of sugar in any way. I respected that request until they brought the Professor and I a mid morning snack of a 24 pack of mini dunkin’ donuts. Even at the most high tech, advanced centre for flavour research, the sugar message hasn’t got through. I took a small bite of one and the sugar receptor protein molecule they had just been educating me on nearly exploded in my mouth (2 teaspoons in my nibble).
I headed to the airport in a cab and spoke to a kind Indian man about the madness of the world and the weight problem in this town. “They are all sad and they eat too much because they have no self worth.’ If someone hasn’t written a ‘Cabbie Wisdom’ coffee table book already, they are more than welcome to steal the idea.
I stepped out of Guru Taxi’s enlightened yellow chariot and sort lunch in the airport terminal, which really is never a good idea. Waiting for me was a turkey sub with cranberry relish (6 teaspoons) and a bottle of ‘Nantucky Nectar’ Apple Juice. Now I don’t know much about Nantucky but I think the Gods there played a cruel high school urine trick with their ‘Nectar’. This acidic, apple tonic had a magnificent 13 teaspoons to its name.
I jumped on a plane and had a decaf latte in the waiting/cattle pen then had a real cup of tea with milk on the plane.
I have just had dinner and hit up the local Lebanese take away for a chicken schwarma plate. The man there was a real delight and restored a cheer to my swollen face as he told me of the kind of situations he deals with when people come in drunk and hungry after a big night out. There really are some warriors out there on the front line. They provide a service in the most hostile environments and still manage to radiate humanity. He told me he put some sugar in his special garlic and herb sauce. We guessed 3 teaspoons in my lathering.
Tomorrow there is more travel but no rigorous science talk. Its all very interesting and ‘worthy’ but gee it gets a bit heady and its the small things like the smile of a kebab shop owner that brings you back to the spirit and reminds you of why you are embarking on odysses such as this. I really really like humans and want to see more of them happier than they currently are.
44 down and brighter for the writing catharsis.